Meltdown :*(

I had my first ever TTC related meltdown. It was sparked by something silly, and then I just lost it. I know that I cried for at least and hour. I had a billion things running through my head.

FF is making it seem that I haven't o'd yet, which I was almost certain I had, I even went back to TCOYF to look at the charts in there and given my temp pattern so far its possible. I also had really good timing within that time frame. If I really o'd yesterday or O today like FF seems to think then I am SOL.

I was trying to go to sleep and it just hit me. Our best friends were pg after 3 cycles and ask all the time when we are going to give their son someone to play with. We started trying right after their son was born and he will be 1 the beginning of October. A 16 year old girl I work with at the grocery store is 6 months pg. Some other friends of ours got pg almost right away with their second this summer. All I could think was this is so not fair, I want this soo bad and can't have it and everyone around me does it with such ease. I wanted to talk to my husband about it, but he was sound asleep, so I just let him sleep.

Then I was thinking about my grandma and great-grandma and how its not fair that we lost them both so close together. So yea I had a rough night, and I'm not seeing today as being any better. I go into school at 11am and will get off from the grocery store at 10pm. I will be so exhausted that I won't feel like bding and yet another cycle will be down the tubes :(

I know that the fact that we are having to wait so long will only make us appreciate what we have even more when we finally have a baby, but this waiting stuff sure can put a lot of strain on ya.